Lyrics - Upside Down (page 2)

Seventeen

Words & Music by Paul D Waghorn

Sometimes I think I'm seventeen, 

though time's erased most of my memory, 

roll back the years to long ago, 

I heard a song played on the radio.

Through passing years and changing fashion, 

a teenage crush turned into passion, 

found excitement everywhere I ran, 

adolescent boy becomes a man.

Doc Martens, black leather, 

summer seemed to last forever, 

having fun and staying out all night, 

great records, on vinyl, 

seeing my team reach the final, 

those were the best years of my life.

Now I must confess to getting older, 

and winter always seems much colder, 

I watched a film from '83, 

and dreamed about the way it used to be.

Doc Martens, black leather, 

summer seemed to last forever, 

having fun and staying out all night, 

great records, on vinyl, 

seeing my team reach the final, 

those were the best years of my life.

For most of us, the teenage years after we leave school are the most important time in our short time on earth.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be!

Jonny Holmes

Words & Music by Paul D Waghorn

He shares his name with a porno star,

and drives an old Volkeswagon car,

It's sad to see he’s no longer the boss,

those days are gone, and we’re all at a loss,

so raise your glass to a good friend of mine,

from all the lads who had a good time.

Jonny, Jonny, Jonny Holmes,

Jonny, Jonny, Jonny Holmes.

He had a pub where we could go,

‘til closing time when he said no, 

when jumping Jack flash said Johnny be good, 

it wasn’t a phrase that John understood, 

then Long tall Sally rode her bike into town, 

but where was the queen when the King lost his crown?

Jonny, Jonny, Jonny Holmes,

Jonny, Jonny, Jonny Holmes.

A change is due whatever next? 

up at six with his fruit and veg, 

the lights are out, but the legend lives on, 

I’m not a retard and neither is John, 

I’d like to say more and to shout it out loud,

respect for the man who done us all proud.

Jonny, Jonny, Jonny Holmes,

Jonny, Jonny, Jonny Holmes.

What can we say about Jon? The finest landlord The Crown has ever seen (with the possible exception of myself from '89-'91) We all miss him!

Evicted

Words & Music by Paul D Waghorn

I got a letter from the council today, 

said my rent arrears of eight weeks I must pay, 

ain't got a penny, gotta take out a loan, 

they're sending round the bailiffs to evict me from home, 

The citizens advice won't do fuck all, 

no one ever listens or returns my call, 

Jesus Christ, I'm forty years old, 

I bet you wouldn't leave an OAP in the cold.

Evicted, now I'm out on the street, 

Evicted, 'cos I can't make ends meet, 

Evicted, I got nowhere to go, 

don't pretend you've been there 'cos ya just wouldn't know.

Social worker says to toe the line, 

don't be tempted by a life of crime, 

it's not easy when you're always broke, 

and my wages are a fucking joke. 

Made an appointment with my local MP, 

said he'd try but that didn't help me, 

found a refuge for the clinically dead, 

in a hostel on flea ridden bed.

Evicted, now I'm out on the street, 

Evicted, 'cos I can't make ends meet, 

Evicted, I got nowhere to go, 

don't pretend you've been there 'cos ya just wouldn't know.

What an opportunity, Sheldon facing eviction from Newhavens ghetto! An overnight session produced this classic long before brother Al bailed him out.

Speeding

Words & Music by Paul D Waghorn

I’m off of my face, 

I’m out of me skull, 

I’m over the eight, 

I’m losing control, 

I'm high as a kite, 

I’m up on the roof, 

I’m feeling alright, 

I’m speeding.

I’ve missed the match, 

I’m feelin the pain, 

I’m shot to bits, 

I’ve pickled me brain, 

I’m losing the plot, 

I’ve nothing to lose, 

I’m over the top, 

I’m speeding.

I can’t get to sleep, 

I’m spinning around, 

I’m going too fast, 

I’ve gotta slow down, 

I heard what ya said, 

I know what you mean, 

my hunger is fed, 

I’m speeding.

We all go too fast, slow down, go fishing, take it easy! This song has nothing to do with taking drugs, honestly!

Termination Day!

Words & Music by Paul D Waghorn

The sun is up it's a brand new day, 

people running each and every way, 

don't they know this could be their last, 

there ain't no future so forget your past, 

it's in the papers have you heard the news? 

they've pressed the button to ignite the fuse, 

you've just got time to say goodbye, 

on the day that tens of thousands die.

There's a fog coming over the hill side, 

and who knows what it may bring? 

the worlds greatest ever disaster, 

destroyed nearly everything.

See the panic now they know it's true, 

they've no idea what the hell to do, 

someone tell them 'cos the time is near, 

you've got to hide until the air is clear. 

Is there a shelter in your local town? 

who will be there when the sun goes down? 

will they want the likes of you or me? 

or just the higher class society?

Chorus

Twenty years may not seem too long, 

a lot has happened since I wrote this song, 

the threat of terror never goes away, 

maybe tomorrow or another day, 

tension mounting in the middle east, 

people dying for the sake of peace, 

negotiations never go too well, 

are we destined for life of hell?

Chorus

This is the oldest song in the set, written in a time when the world was in a panic over
the threat of an all out nuclear attack.
Things don't change much!

15 Minute War

Words & Music by Paul D Waghorn

Last night I had a dream, 

I woke up with a scream, 

it's 1917 in Belgium, 

we survived a gas attack, 

got pushed a few yards back, 

though wounded by the flack, unbeaten.

The history book is true, 

Dunkirk or Waterloo, 

our battles fought for you, your nation. 

if man imposed a law, 

for a fifteen minute war, 

we wouldn’t see no more destruction.

The field was miles wide, 

where thousands fell and died, 

sane or certified, you tell me? 

again in forty three, 

I’m here in history, 

the Russian front I see, its freezing!

Chorus

And so to modern time, 

this soldiers only crime, 

was murdered in his prime, - no justice 

there is no master plan

Iraq, Afghanistan, 

no place for western man, we’re not welcome.

Chorus

Another song where the lyrics mean so much to all of us. We lost a good friend in Iraq which inspired the final verse. The Churchill bit was an edit from two of his war time speeches.

Seaford Town

Music by Paul D Waghorn

Words by Sheldon Hannaford

Here we are it's Saturday, 

another match for the lads to play, 

in the league, or in the cup, 

give it all ‘cos were on the up. 

We don’t get paid, we play for pride, 

come on ref that wern’t offside, 

and even if we’re 1-0 down, 

we’re all behind Seaford Town.

We’re Seaford, Seaford Town, 

We’re Seaford, Seaford Town, 

We’re Seaford, Seaford Town, 

Come on everybody get behind your town.

We go away every other week, 

Crawley Down on the 23, 

maybe Westfield heading east, 

for a point at the very least. 

In this club we place our trust, 

promotion is a goal we lust, 

we’re at the Crouch so come on down, 

bring ‘em on were Seaford Town.

Chorus

A majestic performance by the home team here at Crouch Gardens where the visitors have been totally outclassed in all departments, and as the referee blows the final whistle, it's Seaford Town who top the table with promotion a mere formality.

Chorus

This was originally released by our alter-ego's "The Crouch Potatoes" as a C.D. single to raise awareness for the clubs floodlight fund. It attracted a fair amount of media attention including a BBC Southern Counties interview. We also re-recorded a version entitled "Ipswich Town" 50 copies were pressed and are now highly sought after collectors item.
Not too popular in Norwich!

Tony Bliar

Words & Music by Paul D Waghorn

I've just received good news today, 

found out Blair was on his way, 

he quit his job and leaving town, 

making way for Gordon Brown.

No more Blair, no more Blair,

who said things in life ain't fair? 

No more Blair, no more Blair, 

shake your fist if you don't care.

Ten long years, its been no fun, 

but now Tony's on the run, 

just in time to stop the rot, 

If he was a dog he would have been shot.

No more Blair, no more Blair, 

justice has been done I swear, 

No more Blair, no more Blair, 

shake your fist if you don't care.

Left wing? right wing? centre ground? 

what goes up must soon come down, 

he made mistakes like all men do, 

don't disquise a red with blue.

No more Blair, no more Blair, 

change your colours if you dare! 

No more Blair, no more Blair, 

shake your fist if you don't care.

The last time that I felt this good, 

was the day when Maggie understood, 

to win more votes you must stand down, 

so raise your glass to Gordon Brown.

No more Blair, no more Blair, 

they would've made a lovely pair,

No more Blair, no more Blair, 

shake your fist if you don't care.

Written on that joyous Thursday when Tony announced his retirement. Recorded with barely a day before the C.D. was due to be pressed. The song was not credited on the sleeve but is found hidden away at the end.
Like him or loathe him, Tony has now left the building.

 My name is Ted, I have no idea who Mohammed is or what he looks like. To seek your mission and boldly go where no Ted has gone before, click here.
I would like to drop 2" or so please.
Fantastic Tits
Words & Music by Paul D. Waghorn

She was born to tease, 

with expertise, 

she has a tender touch, 

and don’t talk too much, 

she’s got the softest lips, 

and fantastic tits.

She’s got long blonde hair, 

and stylish wear, 

I’m hypnotised, 

by those deep blue eyes, 

I can‘t resist, 

fantastic tits.

She’s taken all my money, 

and drove off with my car, 

I told her “it ain’t funny” 

but she laughed !  

She’s free to choose, 

I’m born to lose, 

she had her way, 

but I wouldn’t play, 

I’m in a fix, 

fantastic tits.

We decided to leave this off the C.D. although it was on the B-side of "That Christmas Song" by "The Crouch Potatoes" It's usually our final song in the set. Due to popular
demand, we released it on the "Is this England" compilation and if anyone wants an Mp3 of this song, send an email to,-
The photo was provided by the very lovely Tasha.